Who am I? That is without the titles given to me because of a successful career and motherhood.
The truth is, I honestly don’t know. More often than I will ever admit, I feel lost amongst the collection of powerful descriptors — Lieutenant Colonel, Battalion Commander, LLC Founder, published author, Amar’s mama — that still fail to portray my true identify. Sadly, it is possible for someone to be acquainted with me in one or all those roles, and still not know who I truly am. After all, I don’t even know.
According to a Psychology Today article, “people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think — and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished…”
I first recognized the signs of Imposter Syndrome in my own life when I realized my inability to extend grace to myself. My self-standards were too high…sometimes unachievable, and always unsustainable. Yet, I did not create a soft place for my pride to land in those moments when I did not — could not — deliver the results I expected. I noticed the signs again when I acknowledged that if inpatient was a person, that person would undoubtedly be me. Because in my head,
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