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Perfect Monster

Posted On September 24th, 2022

Perfect Monster

Original poem by Ms. Scott

Ms. Scott

I have two minds

One says I can do no wrong

The other says all I do is wrong

I listen to them both

My mirror shows two reflections

One of beauty, power, and hope

The other of unworthiness, weakness, and defeat

I see them both

I am at once enough and lacking

My consistent projection of perfection

Conveniently blocks your view of my flaws

Until it’s too late…for you

I am too strong to ask for help, much less receive it

It seems, I may just have to gather up my conflicting minds

And two faces and destroy your wonderful image of me

Before it’s too late…for me

 

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How signs of the Imposter Syndrome led me back to the Bodybuilding Stage.

Posted On June 26th, 2022

Who am I? That is without the titles given to me because of a successful career and motherhood.

The truth is, I honestly don’t know. More often than I will ever admit, I feel lost amongst the collection of powerful descriptors — Lieutenant Colonel, Battalion Commander, LLC Founder, published author, Amar’s mama — that still fail to portray my true identify. Sadly, it is possible for someone to be acquainted with me in one or all those roles, and still not know who I truly am. After all, I don’t even know.

According to a Psychology Today article, “people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think — and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished…”

I first recognized the signs of Imposter Syndrome in my own life when I realized my inability to extend grace to myself. My self-standards were too high…sometimes unachievable, and always unsustainable. Yet, I did not create a soft place for my pride to land in those moments when I did not — could not — deliver the results I expected.  I noticed the signs again when I acknowledged that if inpatient was a person, that person would undoubtedly be me. Because in my head,

 

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You missed the shot. Don’t ignore your chance to rebound.

Posted On May 30th, 2022

You expected your last shot to be ‘all net’. It turned out to be a brick. Your pride is hurt, and you’re embarrassed. So, your first instinct is to take a quick look around.  To check and see if anyone else witnessed what should’ve been your winning shot turn into an epic failure. That’s too bad — you took your eyes off the ball too soon.

Your first move should’ve been to look inside. Replay your mental reel. See what mistakes you made and more importantly, what lessons you need to learn because of them. And then maybe, just maybe, you could have quickly regrouped, and set yourself up to make an epic rebound. With the same shot you just missed.  

But you’ll never know. Because you lost focus. The game was still going on, the next play in action. Yet, you were stuck worrying about something you couldn’t change instead of looking for an opportunity to regain control.

The fact is, there are lessons in failure that will ultimately bring more value to your life than the satisfaction of success ever will. After all, over time, any player with talent and dedication will eventually make more shots than they will miss. However, the Most Valuable Player — in any game and especially in life — is the person that is capable of reviving hope after everyone else got discouraged and decided to give up. You’re not just any player. You’re an MVP.

 

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Announcing my new book release: “No Really, I’m Fine”

Posted On March 24th, 2022

PSA: I stopped reaching for the stars and just GRABBED one! And I confess, I love the way this success feels in the palm of my hand.  

Let me explain. 

Recently, I made the decision to stop aspiring towards my dreams, and to just do the work to achieve them. As a result, in the past 13 months, I published not just one book, but TWO. That’s right, I released my first novella, “A Table for One” in February 2021 and just published the sequel, “No Really, I’m Fine,” last week! Never mind the fact that this occurred while I served in a Key Development (KD) assignment in my full-time career as an Army Officer. I prioritized an accomplishment that served MY happiness, supported MY dreams, and fulfilled MY purpose. And I don’t have a single regret. On the contrary, I am beyond proud of myself for having the courage to put ME first. 

I am also extremely and externally grateful to everyone that supports my work. It’s true, I could never thank you enough for encouraging me to do that thing that makes my heart smile the brightest and biggest. Writing books. 

Indeed, no longer do I aspire to be an Author. I am one. Twice over. 

Grabbing stars is addictive. Try it out and let me know if you agree.

 

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Best Friends

Posted On January 12th, 2022

The goal of my life

Is to get my heart and mind

To ride the same wave

At the same time

And to have neither fall off

To realize that their connection

Has the power to calm storms

But that their separation

Creates them

I want my feelings and thoughts

To be Best Friends

That never fight, each other

But that will go to war, for each other

Creating a heart 

that listens to reason

And a mind that knows

when it’s not the right season

for love

 

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C.A.P.E.rsona Chats: Episode 5, Successful but “Still Single”, December 16th, 2021 4:00 PM EST

Posted On December 14th, 2021

I can not let 2021 end without one more episode of C.A.P.E.rsona Chats! Join Julian and I as we talk about the three stigmas we’ve experienced the most as women that are “Successful” but “Still Single”. 

And I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised to hear who gives us the most ‘grief’: men or women; family or co-workers; other singles or married folks? 

Trust me, you do not want to miss this one!

RSVP on Facebook Now 

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Emotional Eating: Why it Became my Drug of Choice and how I Recovered

Posted On December 13th, 2021

I must admit that I worked hard to have a smile that originates from my soul, travels through my heart and still arrives intact to its destination on my face. Because for years I only felt emptiness in my soul, sadness in my heart, and wore a smile faker than a million dollar bill. I didn’t know my purpose, didn’t believe in happiness, and felt that no one cared to know my truth. 

And so I ate. A lot. 

 

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Emotion

Posted On December 8th, 2021

I’ve given you too much power
You’ve betrayed me one too many times
And it turns out
You know very little about what I need
And even less about what I deserve
Yet you are in control of everything

From now on
I think I will experience love
Less with my heart
And more with my eyes
And see where that gets me

 

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Why it’s Perfectly Ok to Achieve Goals…and Still Not be Satisfied

Posted On November 15th, 2021

This is the year that I finally arrived at a level of success that made every last one of my previous failures and trials worth it. And I got here because I achieved and dreamed at the exact same time. If I’d focused simply on reaching important milestones in my Army career and ignored my dream to write, I would not know this success. Or if I’d focused solely on publishing my first book and neglected to give my best to my career, I would not know this degree of success. 

 

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The Beauty of Resilience

Posted On October 11th, 2021

Life goes on – after every hurt and after every tragedy. The world doesn’t stop when we suffer, nor does it slow down as we recover. Life continues at the exact same pace, whether we actively participate in it or not.

 

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