Posted On November 5th, 2023
The unthinkable happened in February and I’ve yet to scream. grieve. or heal.
Instead, I do my best to stay busy. Because stillness brings pain that only subsides to anxiety. Or the overwhelming fear of encountering the next trigger that will make me fall apart. Again. That will steal the smile I’ve managed to find – mainly because I know that’s what my Mama wants. For me to live. Be happy. The things she’s always wanted for me. Especially when I lost the desire – the will – to do either.
I’m afraid to grieve. To scream. To allow this pain to escape my being.
Because that’s all that is inside of me now. And once it’s free, I will have to find something to replace it. And whatever that something is…it won’t come from my Mama. She’ll do her best to send me her love from Heaven. But it won’t be in the form of her voice, her touch, her affection, her acceptance. The things that always brought me back from the place I went when I wanted to get away from life. And happiness that never really belonged to me anyway.
I realize that my Mama was my anchor to sanity. My protection from depression. The reminder of the goodness in me that came mainly from being a part of her.
Now my Mama is gone.
The pain consumes me.
The scream can’t leave me.
Posted On December 20th, 2022
“Might I suggest you don’t mess with my Sis”
Photo courtesy of Ms. Childs
Have you ever seen a unicorn in real life? How about one dripped in melanin? What about a small tribe of melanin drenched unicorns that dominate and enhance their environment in the most magical ways possible – individually and collectively? You probably haven’t. But I have. And I have the privilege of calling these phenoms, these unicorns, my sisters.
Together, we’ve created a tribe of empowerment, accountability, and acceptance that is rare in a society most known for envy and competition. We even have the audacity to place crowns around our signature horns to further illuminate our uniqueness, grace and power. Indeed, we intentionally celebrate and enhance the very feature that others may find intimidating or even unbecoming.
And while we can readily acknowledge that we are not for everybody. We know that for those that choose not to accept us…it is their loss, not ours. That is precisely why we refuse to allow each other to hide from the spotlight that both precedes our presence and emanates from our very being. To be clear, you can’t help but to know that we’re coming, and you’ll find it impossible to ignore us when we arrive. After all, we are an unapologetic force of fierceness. You cannot contain us anymore than you can change us. So don’t try.
Shine bright like a diamond
Photo courtesy of Mrs.
3 Ways that I Thrive Through Stress
Posted On November 10th, 2022
Thriving in Progress
3 Ways that I Thrive Through Stress
by Ms. Scott
There is an old adage that states, ‘nothing worth having comes easy.’ And my favorite lyrical genius, Tupac Amaru Shakur, once made it perfectly clear that he “don’t want it if it’s that easy”. Now, we all know what Tupac meant in his classic track, “I get around”. But let’s imagine, for a moment, that both of those statements referred to reaching some level of success. By doing so, we could reframe the expressions to acknowledge that it will require a ton of effort to reach most of our goals. And also, that we should possess pride in our efforts to achieve greatness. The issues arise as those efforts transition from not easy to very challenging and eventually produce unwanted stress.
Now to me, stress and anxiety are kinfolk. And I’m talking baby sister kin. Not that seventh cousin on my great great great granddaddy side of the family, kind of kin. I make that comparison to highlight that if I do not handle stress properly, it will quickly get the best of me because I am not my best self, when I’m anxious. It is worth noting that stress is actually defined as ‘a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.’ While we don’t normally associate the aforementioned success with an adverse situation, we can all agree that we oftentimes find ourselves in demanding circumstances on our way to…and after we arrive at…success.
Posted On September 24th, 2022
Original poem by Ms. Scott
I have two minds
One says I can do no wrong
The other says all I do is wrong
I listen to them both
My mirror shows two reflections
One of beauty, power, and hope
The other of unworthiness, weakness, and defeat
I see them both
I am at once enough and lacking
My consistent projection of perfection
Conveniently blocks your view of my flaws
Until it’s too late…for you
I am too strong to ask for help, much less receive it
It seems, I may just have to gather up my conflicting minds
And two faces and destroy your wonderful image of me
Before it’s too late…for me
How signs of the Imposter Syndrome led me back to the Bodybuilding Stage.
Posted On June 26th, 2022
Who am I? That is without the titles given to me because of a successful career and motherhood.
The truth is, I honestly don’t know. More often than I will ever admit, I feel lost amongst the collection of powerful descriptors — Lieutenant Colonel, Battalion Commander, LLC Founder, published author, Amar’s mama — that still fail to portray my true identify. Sadly, it is possible for someone to be acquainted with me in one or all those roles, and still not know who I truly am. After all, I don’t even know.
According to a Psychology Today article, “people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think — and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished…”
I first recognized the signs of Imposter Syndrome in my own life when I realized my inability to extend grace to myself. My self-standards were too high…sometimes unachievable, and always unsustainable. Yet, I did not create a soft place for my pride to land in those moments when I did not — could not — deliver the results I expected. I noticed the signs again when I acknowledged that if inpatient was a person, that person would undoubtedly be me. Because in my head,
You missed the shot. Don’t ignore your chance to rebound.
Posted On May 30th, 2022
You expected your last shot to be ‘all net’. It turned out to be a brick. Your pride is hurt, and you’re embarrassed. So, your first instinct is to take a quick look around. To check and see if anyone else witnessed what should’ve been your winning shot turn into an epic failure. That’s too bad — you took your eyes off the ball too soon.
Your first move should’ve been to look inside. Replay your mental reel. See what mistakes you made and more importantly, what lessons you need to learn because of them. And then maybe, just maybe, you could have quickly regrouped, and set yourself up to make an epic rebound. With the same shot you just missed.
But you’ll never know. Because you lost focus. The game was still going on, the next play in action. Yet, you were stuck worrying about something you couldn’t change instead of looking for an opportunity to regain control.
The fact is, there are lessons in failure that will ultimately bring more value to your life than the satisfaction of success ever will. After all, over time, any player with talent and dedication will eventually make more shots than they will miss. However, the Most Valuable Player — in any game and especially in life — is the person that is capable of reviving hope after everyone else got discouraged and decided to give up. You’re not just any player. You’re an MVP.
Announcing my new book release: “No Really, I’m Fine”
Posted On March 24th, 2022
PSA: I stopped reaching for the stars and just GRABBED one! And I confess, I love the way this success feels in the palm of my hand.
Let me explain.
Recently, I made the decision to stop aspiring towards my dreams, and to just do the work to achieve them. As a result, in the past 13 months, I published not just one book, but TWO. That’s right, I released my first novella, “A Table for One” in February 2021 and just published the sequel, “No Really, I’m Fine,” last week! Never mind the fact that this occurred while I served in a Key Development (KD) assignment in my full-time career as an Army Officer. I prioritized an accomplishment that served MY happiness, supported MY dreams, and fulfilled MY purpose. And I don’t have a single regret. On the contrary, I am beyond proud of myself for having the courage to put ME first.
I am also extremely and externally grateful to everyone that supports my work. It’s true, I could never thank you enough for encouraging me to do that thing that makes my heart smile the brightest and biggest. Writing books.
Indeed, no longer do I aspire to be an Author. I am one. Twice over.
Grabbing stars is addictive. Try it out and let me know if you agree.
Posted On January 12th, 2022
The goal of my life
Is to get my heart and mind
To ride the same wave
At the same time
And to have neither fall off
To realize that their connection
Has the power to calm storms
But that their separation
I want my feelings and thoughts
To be Best Friends
That never fight, each other
But that will go to war, for each other
Creating a heart
that listens to reason
And a mind that knows
when it’s not the right season
C.A.P.E.rsona Chats: Episode 5, Successful but “Still Single”, December 16th, 2021 4:00 PM EST
Posted On December 14th, 2021
I can not let 2021 end without one more episode of C.A.P.E.rsona Chats! Join Julian and I as we talk about the three stigmas we’ve experienced the most as women that are “Successful” but “Still Single”.
And I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised to hear who gives us the most ‘grief’: men or women; family or co-workers; other singles or married folks?
Trust me, you do not want to miss this one!
RSVP on Facebook Now
Emotional Eating: Why it Became my Drug of Choice and how I Recovered
Posted On December 13th, 2021
I must admit that I worked hard to have a smile that originates from my soul, travels through my heart and still arrives intact to its destination on my face. Because for years I only felt emptiness in my soul, sadness in my heart, and wore a smile faker than a million dollar bill. I didn’t know my purpose, didn’t believe in happiness, and felt that no one cared to know my truth.
And so I ate. A lot.