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I must admit that I worked hard to have a smile that originates from my soul, travels through my heart and still arrives intact to its destination on my face. Because for years I only felt emptiness in my soul, sadness in my heart, and wore a smile faker than a million dollar bill. I didn’t know my purpose, didn’t believe in happiness, and felt that no one cared to know my truth. 

And so I ate. A lot. 

This is the year that I finally arrived at a level of success that made every last one of my previous failures and trials worth it. And I got here because I achieved and dreamed at the exact same time. If I’d focused simply on reaching important milestones in my Army career and ignored my dream to write, I would not know this success. Or if I’d focused solely on publishing my first book and neglected to give my best to my career, I would not know this degree of success. 

Life goes on – after every hurt and after every tragedy. The world doesn’t stop when we suffer, nor does it slow down as we recover. Life continues at the exact same pace, whether we actively participate in it or not.

If I’m honest, this idea of emotional security or safety is relatively new to me.  Growing up, I always thought the goal of any romantic relationship was to fall madly and deeply “in love.” And it didn’t matter if that ‘love’ was kind to me, if that ‘love’ respected me, or really if that ‘love’ was even reciprocated. As long as I was “in it”, it was right…or something like that. 

I am about six weeks out from my next CrossFit competition on 18 September. And let me tell you, the nerves are REAL. Yes, I’m working on the complexity of the exercises but more importantly I’m working to make sure my mind is right.